i click wait list and i wait untill it asks for me to join group. i have an addon called "elvui" which automatically accepts group invite from friends since oq adds them to friends it should accept it, but it dont. ive even tried turning that off and clicking wait list to join a group. when ever i click accept it just has a sound like your abandoning quest from quest log. i made sure i was high enough ilvl and the right spec they wanted but nothing ive reinstalled it like 3 times and it wont fix anything

This is almost always the case that elvui is interfering with oQueue.
-Disable the auto accept friend request features on elvui.

When you press waitlist, you have to wait for the group leader to invite you. They may or may not invite you. If they do invite you, then you and the group leader will automatically be friended, and you will be invited to the group. oQueue will automatically accept the group invite. If you have any of the auto accept features enabled on elvui, they are probably interfering.